They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
