he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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