You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
