so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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