Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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