I'm going to jail i love you
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
