why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
