you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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