theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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