Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize