all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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