if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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