her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
