Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
