Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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