I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Randomize
