You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
