If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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