You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
