I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize