I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
