anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
