Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize