lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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