he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My pussy is not your playground.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
