Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
