she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
