3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
