i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
