He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
