Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
