yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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