And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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