it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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