I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
