she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
