are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
