all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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