you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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