Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
