Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
