remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
