Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
