It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
