I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize