Heybabeimwearingurpanties
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
