I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
