Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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