you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Found your dick twin last night
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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