omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
