Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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