So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
