Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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