He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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