Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
