remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
