Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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