Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
