i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
