i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
