; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
