If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
