So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
