I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
