My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
