Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
