Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
