so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize