You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
