the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
