She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
