I think my vagina is haunted
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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