don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
